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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27688619">Don't Ask</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicJam/pseuds/Kafkafant'>Kafkafant (MusicJam)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:08:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,426</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27688619</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicJam/pseuds/Kafkafant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Anno fifteenhundredthrwelf. A universe of your selection. Lady Organa Vagina the XXXII. is the princess of kingdom Gramma Actuta, a princess so beautiful that the noblest knights faint at the very sight of her.<br/>Upon becoming aware that a new court painter was employed - a gifted and voluptuous wench named Jiji Karma - the princess cannot think of anything else anymore. But King Declan has a secret and it is threatening their love…</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The old artist</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a fanfiction written about a couple of lovely streamers and their community, so you really don't have to get it. If you want to be entertained anyway, you may and thank you very much :)</p><p>Btw I swear I found a spelling mistake a couple of days ago and now I can't find it anymore. Pwease help?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cold gusts of grey wind took a chance at dishevelling Organas golden hair that her maid had arranged so carefully this morning. A chill went down her spine as she bent down to pick up a crimson leaf from the floor of her bedroom balcony that she was standing on. Autumn was finally here and now all she wanted was to escape it. How does one escape something that is all around?</p><p>Organa turned around to enter her bedroom and donned a silk cloak to fight the cold. How was she to survive this?</p><p>“My Lady?”</p><p>“Yes, Cole, you may come in.”</p><p>Her confidante entered the front room and stood by the piano, waiting patiently for her to greet him. He was a pretty young man. His shy, quiet manner attracted a great number of people on court but he was too humble to notice it. Only around a few - particular - people he managed to encourage himself to loosen up. Since Lady Organa was among them, she was able to say he would have made a fine court jester.</p><p>“Thank you for seeing me on this tedious day, my friend. I do hope you have something interesting to tell me.”</p><p>Cole took the liberty of taking a seat.</p><p>“Indeed interesting, m’lady. Were you made aware the court painter had been removed?”</p><p>“Removed…?”</p><p>“Yes”, Cole almost arose from his seat, happy he was the first one to bear the news, “he apparently attempted to build a statue of your esteemed great-grandaunt Lady Vulgara Vagina II. when the scullion snuck up from behind and whispered a naughty word into his ear. The painter was so discombobulated, he ruined the nearly finished work beyond repair by stumbling and pushing it over.”</p><p>Organa was startled, “what happened then?”</p><p>“Your majesty the King was outraged. He expressed that no abled court artist should allow himself to be this appalled by the shenanigans of a kitchen brat. The court writer was immediately instructed to order for a new painter and only the most skilled and even beyond that – only the most imperishable-“</p><p>“Imperishable?”</p><p>“-if not IMMORTAL recruiters were allowed to present themselves.”</p><p>“We have a court writer?” – Organa interjected.</p><p>“Oh yes, m’lady. Do you not remember our court writer Kafka Fanta? She has written nothing in particular and yet rumour has it she has written multiple popular works under a pen-name, including this one.”</p><p>“How exciting!”</p><p>“Is it not?”</p><p>“But Cole say – what became of the poor old painter and the boy?” Suddenly Organa had forgotten the worries a grey autumn day brings upon a young princess.</p><p>“Imagine, Lady Organa – his majesty the King had him hanged in the dungeons! ON A HOOK”</p><p>The lady screeched and hid behind her cloak, not believing the cruelty of her own daddy, while at the same time being wonderfully entertained by this strange story.</p><p>“And this is not the end of the horror”, her friend continued, “apparently the hook did not kill the man. What happened to him is a mystery. The guards who were on duty outside the dungeons said they heard him scream for his life, as if he was being eaten alive. And then there was something else-“, Cole kneeled in front of the princess and lowered his voice, “-the men heard growling. Growling as one might hear from a wild animal. The men are still petrified. They’re afraid to go back into the dungeons, afraid to go out in the dark, even afraid to fall asleep.”</p><p>Organa stared at him, completely frozen. Horror was written all over her face.</p><p>“The boy was demoted and has to scrub the bogs now. His whole life. Anyway, sweetie – gotta dash – Laters!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The new artist</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The artist’s fate – some would say a sacred man with only his craft in his mind – quickly became court gossip and naturally everyone had their own theory as to what might have happened to him. The wildest story arose from the chef – Starry Bee. She was very skilled but not particularly fond of the King, which had its reasons. You see, his majesty had a fastidious taste and only Starry Bee knew how to satisfy his palate, which meant that although she had multiple cooks in the kitchen to help her along, she was basically working alone, not able to catch a break.</p><p>“If you ask me – and yes I know you didn’t but regardless – this villain – his majesty - has some sort of ferocious pet-monster down there. Who knows what kind of mad cult he has gotten himself into, playing all those secret games with only his favourites. BILLY! WHAT HAVE WE SAID ABOUT THE BUNGERS! ONLY I HANDLE THE BUNGERS!! GO! GO, GET SOME KETCHUP!! Great. Now they ran away.”</p><p>“Bunger, Bunger, Bunger, Bunger, Bunger…“</p><p>King Declan Charmander I. – a handsome and masculine gentleman in best shape - was generally well-liked by his population. He made sure everybody’s needs were met. He responded to every request and some said his people were more important to him than himself. But there is no monarchy without rumours, grudgers and intrigues. And there is no story without drama, so deal with the fact that the chef hates Dec, for fuck’s sake.</p><p>As cruel as it may sound – the fate of the poor painter didn’t interest Organa as much. Not as much as the motive her daddy might have had for killing an innocent man in such a mysterious and barbaric manner. His behaviour these last weeks had become stranger and stranger altogether, although thinking about it, he hadn‘t been himself since her mother died. Still she didn’t understand where this sudden cruelty had come from. The King was no monster! Organa knew that, at least she thought she did. She was deeply hurt and had spent most of her time in her chambers these last days, not wanting to receive anybody, not in the mood for any kind of entertainment. She was lost in thought. Only today was it that her dreams were interrupted by an unusual sight: two young people, a man and a woman equipped with brushes and canvasses, crossed the yard with nervous yet determined expressions. Organa didn’t have to think twice about who those people might be but there was something else that drew her attention: the young woman. She couldn’t quite explain what it was, except that her eyes were fixed on her the whole time; tears filled her eyes in order to persuade her to blink but she didn’t dare. Blonde, wavy hair, her body feminine and beautiful, and those eyes – eyes that knew exactly what they wanted and how to get it. Organas heartbeat started rushing. What was this she was experiencing? Quickly – too quickly – the two individuals turned around a corner and vanished. The princess froze and there she stood – on the balcony in the autumn breeze not moving a muscle – until her maid asked her if she was ready for bed. </p><p> </p><p>It was Cole who briefed her about the strange woman the next day. Her name was Jiji Karma – what an odd name – and the King had employed her immediately after she ensured him that – despite not having been acquainted with Lady Vulgara – she too could take a chance at building an accurate statue. All it took was a little time, care, someone who could accurately describe the lady – and talent of course, preferably hers. Hence her first task was to prove herself worthy and erect the old lady with the same dignity she had had in her living days.</p><p>“The staff says she’s very determined and convinced she will succeed.”, Cole said sceptically. Apparently, he hadn’t seen her yet. </p><p>“M’lady, I’m so glad you’re receiving visitors again. Allow me to say I missed your company. Are you feeling any better?”</p><p>The princess couldn’t help but smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jiji succeeded in appeasing the King who was so delighted that he demanded a celebration be held in honour of the new member of staff and of course his beloved grandaunt Vulgara. Andy, the King’s right hand, did his best to ensure the feast would be flawless; the King’s best friends were invited and this time, which was new, the whole staff of the castle. Except for Starry Bee, who had to slog away in the kitchen. </p><p>Since Queen Whatsherface II. was deceased, Organa took her seat during the feast and next to her, following the King’s order, sat Jiji, unusually timid for her nature. But Organa had been waiting for this moment for weeks and she could feel her heart beating in her throat during the King’s address, silently begging him to finish (he spent about half an hour praising the massive chomp of marble that had been propped up in the middle of the hall and which was indeed a perfect representation of the late Lady Vulgara Vagina II. – even more life-like thanks to the fact that the King demanded it be painted carefully, despite Jiji‘s efforts to make him understand that a painted statue will have a shorter life-span). Finally, they sat and proceeded to devour the chef‘s efforts – apart from the princess – she stared at the woman sitting next to her.</p><p>“M-my great-grandaunt, you did her good”, she said inaptly, “I mean well, I mean…”</p><p>“Thanks”, said Jiji, smiling at her.</p><p>“I’ve never had this before”, the King giggled next to them while farting a whole bottle of Ranch onto his Sandopede, whatever that was. </p><p>“You don’t know how much it means to everyone here that you made my daddy happy again”, Organa chuckled, apparently she wasn’t the biggest buffoon in the hall, “he hasn’t been in such a good mood in weeks. I myself wondered what troubled him so much. By the way - I was told he never liked Vulgara, despised her even!”</p><p>Jiji did a look…</p><p>“Which of course doesn’t mean that all your work was pointless, God, no. I mean – perhaps – he had a sudden change of mind, finally understood that she always meant well-“ Organa thought that she should probably change the topic while nervously piling so much mashed potatoes on her plate that she could barely look over it. To her surprise Jiji did the same – on purpose.</p><p>“See, I always welcome a challenge, but your aunt …“</p><p>„I understand“, said Organa quickly in order to not force her new companion into an embarrassing situation. Suddenly she had an idea: „would you like something more pleasing for a change? You see, I am quite the artist myself!“</p><p>The princess dropped knife and fork with a loud ‚CLANG‘ and started to form her mashed potatoes with her bare hands into she shape of a bust. Jiji excitedly started to do the same with her portion and under the curious looks of the guests they sculpted each other‘s image out of Starry‘s finest mash, racing each other to finish.</p><p>„That was much more pleasant!“, Jiji laughed and bit into the top of her sculpture, „and your majesty are very delicious!“</p><p>„I can return the compliment“, said Organa, without having tried her food. </p><p> </p><p>When dinner was finally over, the princess grabbed her new friend by the hand and they fled, rushed down the courtyard, through the garden and far away from the castle, the King or whoever he was now after all that happened, the responsibilities that Organa despised so much, snickering the whole time. They came to a halt at the lake and sat down on a bench, gasping for air. It didn’t make a difference if they had been seen, so long as they were alone for this moment.</p><p>They sat there, arm in arm, looking up at the stars.</p><p>“I cannot believe I just met you and am so fond of you already”, said Jiji.</p><p>“The author has a limited attention-span and needs to get these things done in one sitting”, said Organa</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Yeah. On that note we might wanna wrap this up because we still need to find out why daddy is such a creepy sadist.”</p><p>“Oh yes, fine. And scene!”, she cleared her throat and continued, “Look at us Organa, sitting here entangled like an infinite shape, as one entity. Organa. You and me are infinite.”</p><p>Something about that sentence struck the princess – infinite, immortal, imperishable? A lump formed in her throat and she didn’t even notice the tears running down her cheeks.</p><p>“Jiji do you know what happened to the last one, the last painter?”</p><p>Jiji looked confused: “No, nobody knows. It’s a mystery. There are rumours and yes, I’ve been told every single one of them. You wouldn’t want to believe how many people have advised me to leave and never come back.”</p><p>Organa nodded, “but what if they’re right, Jiji? What if you make a mistake and he takes you from me?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The King's little secret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In order to not get killed - Jiji was convinced of that - one must first find out who the killer is and then proceed to eliminate him. Before agreeing that this was their plan, they first agreed that King Declan was not the killer and if he was, they were to run away and never come back.</p><p>Regardless they had to begin their inquisitions with the King, since he was the only lead they had and so they spend the majority of their upcoming days spying on him. Apparently, he liked taking baths with little rubber lizards. They decided it was not suspicious.</p><p>One day however the King was nowhere to be seen. The staff was used to his majesty taking a stroll through the garden or the forest on his own to clear is mind without informing anyone in advance, but Organa was worried. She had a feeling and that feeling did sure as hell not feel good. And when she nervously walked through the castle in the evening to look for him, she noticed Vulgara was missing, too.</p><p>Feverishly she hurried through the halls to the painter‘s workshop to get her girlfriend and the two of them set out for the dungeons. Maybe they even beamed themselves down since it’s getting late and the author would really like to go to sleep soon.</p><p>The door to the dungeon was wide open, Organa‘s heart was racing.</p><p>„Daddy!“ her scream echoed between the old walls, waking them up from a deep, deep sleep. The whole building began to growl, and as they were running down the hallway between the cells trying to orient themselves, the growl was followed by a mighty explosion.</p><p>The door of one cell broke out of its hinges and with an overpowering cry of pain King Declan was catapulted out of the room against the hallway wall and with him the statue of Lady Vulgara Vagina II. which shattered into a thousand pieces.</p><p>„MY WORK! ALL THOSE HOURS!“ shouted Jiji while Organa was running to her injured father who was not dead because this is meant to be dramatic but not devastating so deal with it.</p><p>„Daddy! Oh Daddy, whatever happened, what is in this room?“</p><p>Organa couldn‘t see into the room, it was completely dark. And yet when she squinted, she could see something that looked like a rusty hook, glistening in the candlelight that came out of the hallway. But whatever was in there was breathing. And now it spoke:</p><p>„BRING. ME. A REAL ONE!!!“</p><p>The voice set their teeth on edge, Organa and Jiji quickly helped the King stand up and hurried out of the dungeons into the moonlight, as far away as they could carry him and set him down into the grass.</p><p>“Tell me everything now, father. You owe me answers.”</p><p>The King started weeping. It took a while before he was strong enough to speak.</p><p>“My darling”, he finally said, “when your mother, Queen Whatsherface died, I was a broken man and I still am. Darling, where do I start … what your mother and I, all the monarchs in fact have been keeping from you your whole life – not only from our child but also from the staff – is a rather cruel thing. You see, in our dungeon lives an entity. A creature that is not like us. It was usually good-natured. We had an agreement – if we gave it something to chew on every year, it would keep quiet. Darling, when your mother died, I was in deep sorrow. I did not see a reason to be alive anymore, so I went and visited the creature at night, confided in it and – my love – I offered myself to it. The creature was intrigued but it quickly saw a better opportunity arising. It told me that the offerings had made it stronger, but it too was tired of its existence. So we made a deal. I would give it 6 people in the next 6 months and it would transform into the love of my life. I visited the creature every night, trying to negotiate but it actually refused to take me as if it was amused by playing this little game with me. Not that I don‘t like games…anyway. But after a while enemies tried to enter the castle and I saw a chance. But without noticing it, by giving the entity the next offering – I had made a pact with the devil. It told me I would lose everyone I loved if I didn‘t do what it said…so I tried to find more victims. More good excuses. When enemies came I didn‘t need any excuses but when I took the painter down…that was the first time I didn‘t know how to look people in the eye anymore. He was second to last, there‘s just one more… I wanted the statue to – you know – it was a bad idea. But you know how much I hated Vulgara.”</p><p>Jiji pacepalmed: „Nice try. But no.“</p><p>But Organa had listened to her father with her eyes closed. Now she didn’t know if she was angry about his cruelty, sad about having nearly lost him like she had lost her mother or relieved that she had finally found out the reason behind all this madness. She fastened the grip on her girlfriend’s hand. If there was one person left to go in order to make her father happy, it was not her. Not her.</p><p>“Who‘s next?”, she asked.</p><p>„I don‘t know, my darling. But I don‘t have much time left.“</p><p>------<br/>A wild Runlet appears.</p><p>“Hi”, he says, “You see, I’m on a twitch-break but I really want to be in this story so what if I’m the one that gets killed in the end?”</p><p>Author nods.</p><p>“Great.”<br/>------</p><p>“Look, daddy, there comes your friend Sir Runlet”, said Organa in a tone that wasn’t fitting the vibe at all but that’s what you get for making a joke in a sad scene. </p><p>„Runlet, my friend! How are you this fine…uhm…“</p><p>“Your majesty, I’m a scallywag and you may kill me now for time’s sake.”, declared Sir Runlet heroically.</p><p>And so it came that the party set afoot toward the bloodthirsty entity in the dungeons and everybody solemnly prepped Runlet up on the hook.</p><p>The creature – who was actually a pretty girl with pink hair named Jesse playing this whole horror out on her PC in a game called “The Sims 4”, but don’t tell our protagonists – thankfully devoured the hero, burped a “Thanks, Dec” and turned into the King’s one and only true love - his favourite microphone.</p><p>„What witchcraft is this?“ – shouted Organa.</p><p>The King was overwhelmed with love and nudged the mic affectionately with his head, closed his eyes and spoke into it: „Do you want to play a game?“</p><p>A spontaneous feast was arranged, the food prepared only by the cooks, who had learned a lot by now. This way Starry Bee was able to make up with King Declan, who even proposed a toast to her. To her, his new betrothed, the hero Sir Runlet (RIP by the way, so sorry) and the Princesses Organa and Jiji. Everyone had a lot of fun playing their favourite games and were delighted by the King’s good mood and entertained by his jokes and stories.</p><p>In this night all the staff – a very confused staff - had to stuff their ears with earplugs in order to protect their sanity from all the “UwU’s” and the other naughty ejaculations that escaped certain chambers in the castle.</p><p>So here we are, people, at the very happy and stupid end of this insane story. It was rushed and silly, but it wasn’t even meant to be so take it. Also they all lived happily ever after or something like that.</p>
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